Saturday, January 3, 2009

my dad taught me how to play hooky

Christmas week, I only had to work Monday and Tuesday. The rest was Federal Holiday-paid time off for me. In fact, I took off Tuesday afternoon a couple hours early because my heart wasn't in it. I was just occupying space. Things had increasingly been of this nature for most of December. I've not seen much sunlight and the wintertime grays and temperature drops catch up with me quickly. Christmas was a pretty big production and with Donna's mom and grandmother being sick, Donna and I took most of the responsibility on ourselves. So, it turned out that I didn't get much rest Christmas week.

I returned to work and was still dragging tail. I got through the shift with little to show for it. The next morning I phoned in that I was not feeling well. By that evening I had concluded that I would take the following day as well. I had not been out in months. The job was getting to me. I was indeed facing adrenal exhaustion. It was hard to resist that second day out as it would give me three days in a row as the third day was New Years' Day. These days were a kind of odyssey or a play in three acts. I would be revived.

I slept a lot. I strolled around in my pajamas until the afternoon, something I hadn't done in years. I drank a lot of juice and breathed deeply. I played with the dog and talked about things with Donna. I gave a lot of serious thought and reflection to my circumstance. I determined I either have to do my job differently or I have to do a different job. It's for my health and for the wellfare of my loved ones. I cannot maintain these high levels of anxiety and stress. I've got to let go, remember the serenity prayer-all that.

I returned on Friday and it wasn't so terrible. My focus was somewhat restored, even my ambition was appropriate. Those three days were more useful than I could have planned or imagined. I thought the benefit of a day off was to not have to go, but now I see time away can give renewed energy. I don't know what's going to happen exactly. I have not yet determined if it's the job or how I do it. I won't do anything rash, you bastards, so don't worry. I just got to prioritize.

Here's to the weekend.

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