Saturday, December 5, 2009

I Don't Know Why, But...

This is so hot to me

Monday, October 12, 2009


So, I have met some folk whilst my time in NOLA. Two of the more interesting people are these friends who have professional jobs by day and hardcore rappers at night. I have even becomes [sic] homies with one of the guys. These two bros [pronounced 'brahs'] are white rappers who bring the fun back to rap. Or something.

Ballzack - "Rainbow In Marrero"

Odoms - "Keeping Up With The Jetsons"

Friday, August 7, 2009

Funny People Was...

Funny but it ran kind of long. Did anyone else think so?

Friday, July 17, 2009

You Sorry Sacks of Summer Slothfulness


What is up? How have the long dog-days of summer been treating you? We haven't done anything together. It's understandable. I know we're all busy. I work 85 hours a week (which, if you're doing the math is five, 17.5 hour-long days). I make a crazy amount of money for that (about $1,100 bi-weekly) for, get this, sleeping 7-8 hours a night. Truthfully, I play a lot of Xbox and watch movies (currently watching 2nd season of Entourage), too. Basically, I do, 3-4 hours of real work.


I am so tired of it. I can't go to see live music. I can't leave town. I can't just take a day off without having to schedule it. I can't do anything. I go to a casino like two nights a week. I drink and waste money. That's my life. I'm tired and I'm old.


I'm looking for a new job. Something in education, hopefully teaching. I'm actually going to stay in town and try to attend Tulane University. Tulane is consistently voted in the Top 100 Colleges and Universities in America by Princeton Review every year. I'm excited about the possibility of graduating from a "real" school.


Some friends and I are looking for a house. Please know that you all have a standing invitation to visit. And if I have the space to put you up for a few nights, then you're welcome to stay with me. If not, I still make a terrific tour guide.

Love ya brahs, ya heard me!

(New Orleans is rubbing off on me.)

Monday, June 29, 2009

Bofunk in Podunk

Been hanging out with the mom and the brother and our new pup, Jasper, a miniature schnauzer.
Put Donna's grandma in nursing home this week. No other option. She's adjusting well but raises hell when she sees or talks to any of the family.
Won a name your own toy-based movie contest. Am waiting to see if I win the same contest on Slate.
Was thinking of you guys yesterday and the proof is I bought you something from the candy aisle. So, I need your addresses. And if you can, supply me with William Michael's also.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Hey guys, I just wanted to let you all know that I was thinking of you. I appreciate our friendships very much and it makes me smile to remember how comfortable I am around you all. Here's hoping we get to see each other soon....


Saturday, May 30, 2009

Independence Day

Friends, what about North Florida during July the 4th weekend? I have to work the weekend prior, so this would be the best for me. What about you all? 2-4 days for us? I say we do something criminal at or to BCF. Only misdemeanors though, I don't want jail time.

Let me know.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Summer Has Started

My advice to all of you is to go see Star Trek as soon as humanly possible. Even if you are not a Trek fan, this one may change your tune. It was amazing, thrilling, funny, and just pretty much had sex with my face. J.J Abrams is a god among men, plain and simple. I think after Lost ends next season he should focus on doing an actual Star Trek tv series with this cast. I doubt it will actually happen, but I couldn't help but wish he would after seeing this movie last night. It truly blew me away.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Sage Advice

  1. Don't collect unicorns.
  2. Don't clean your eye wear with your tongue.
  3. Don't wear face paint in a sit down restaurant.
  4. Moisturize.
  5. Don't hold it when you have to potty. It will eventually kill you.
  6. Throw out undershirts with pit stains.
  7. Spray-on tanning doesn't work.
  8. Don't change for anyone, unless your wearing a diaper.
  9. Let people help you move heavy furniture or just let them do it.
  10. Block harassing phone calls.
  11. Always have a spare.
  12. Remember: you are white.
  13. Don't get a firearm, you may be tempted to use it.
  14. Return calls.
  15. Don't stab anyone, but if you must, use a stake made of ice.
  16. Forgo the need to forgive, simply lower your expectations.
  17. Massage!! Massage!! Massage!! Anyone in need, give them a squeeze. Anytime, anywhere.
  18. Know that your life may never be as good as it is right now. It could get worse.
  19. Always stop lists at nineteen. It leaves people hungry for more.

Monday, May 4, 2009

I Don't Know What You Want From Me

So, gentlemen sans Mike, here we find ourselves together again. I want to quickly express that I enjoyed seeing you three fellows. Spending time with you guys, whilst smoking and drinking, make for an enjoyable weekend. I love you guys and I hope you know it.

Jed: Congrats on marrying a girl who truly makes you happy. I hope your life together gets better every year.

Justin: I enjoyed our conversations. It almost felt like skipping BCF chapel and eating IHOP.

Chase: Thanks for keeping me company on the trip. I'm glad we don't fight like old married people any more. Thanks for listening to my shit.

I have discovered that I was not accepted to any school I was applying to for doctoral programs. So, now, I do not know what I will do. At the moment, I am staying in the crime-filled (and now the newest cases of Swine Flu) New Orleans. I will get a job promotion and find a new place to live. I'll let you know if anything changes.

I saw Death Cab For Cutie Saturday night with Matt Costa and Ra Ra Riot. This was not my first time seeing them live, but it was the best. I'll leave you now with this:

"We're not the same dear as we used to be. The seasons have changed and so have we.
There was little we could say, and even less we could do. To stop the ice from getting thinner under me and you." - Death Cab For Cutie

Saturday, April 25, 2009

How do you fit 300 Jews into a Volkswagen Beetle?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Thanks for letting me come drink at your wedding Jared Allen.

I think the weekend of weddings and open bars was one of the best times I have had in a long time. Seeing all you guys was really good for me.  I felt like our friendships are just as strong now as they were back in Graceville days. Granted we have all matured and our paths dont cross as often as we would like, but I think it makes us enjoy the times they do even more.

I think the beauty of our friendships is that we are always honest with each other. We all obviously have different views on faith, religion, good music, if Jeff's hair is pretty, and in my case..monogomy.  However I don't think it has affected how we relate to each other. I think it all makes for some great debates, and I know I took alot away from the conversations I had with all of you that weekend. I just wish we could all hang out more often.

Mike told me once we got back to Orlando that this was one of the best weekends he has ever had in his life, and I think it really helped him with his situation.  Ryan said he really enjoyed getting to know you guys, though he may never come back to Jacksonville since Carl tried to molest him.

All I have to say is that I really miss you guys. I wish we all lived closer in proximity. At least we have this blog and the phone right? I also wanted to ask what you guys think of maybe inviting Mike to write here as well?  Let me know.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go take a ride on the Confederate Railroad. Have a day.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Let's Review

Jed is now Jared.
Justin rocks the Confederate Railroad.
Jeff has pretty hair.
My new glasses were approved of by Jared.
Scott gained 5 pounds!
Mike has walked away from Airwalks.
Ryan ain't nobody's monkey.

Jared does not believe in God.
Justin believes in a smoke break savior, depending on when you ask.
Jeff extends his friendship to these unbelieving ones.
The verdict is still out on me.
Scott is not orthodox.
Mike's faith has been made stronger by BS dealt him of late.
Ryan subscribes to belief in trans-humanism.

Jared loves a hot woman, depending on when you ask.
Justin accepted an invitation from Carl to go clubbing.
Jeff loves a black woman, depending on when you ask.
I'm getting a divorce, if you listen to Neil.
Scott does not understand the question, "how's married life?"
Mike did not invite me to his wedding, but did invite me to the after-party.
Ryan has sexual relations with milk.

Jared has been consistently employed longer than any of us.
Justin is an independent film producer or starving artist, depending on when you ask.
Jeff is good at his job, but would rather be someplace else.
I am unemployed and anxious.
Scott is a teacher at risk of losing his job.
Mike considers EMT school.
Ryan needs no employment as Cyborgs eat whatever and sleep whenever they like.

Jared has recently moved back to Jacksonville.
Justin will remain in Orlando.
Jeff knows not what tomorrow holds.
I vow to never move again.
Mike likely will move to Orlando.

Jared is married.
Justin shudders at the thought of marriage.
Jeff has many questions.
I vow to never marry again, unless Donna dies and then probably within a week.
Scott tries to find a loophole so he can marry a church father.
Mike holds steady.
Cyborgs don't marry, they decimate the ones they love.

And we all live happily ever after...until we die and then who knows?!?

Love you guys,

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Events Forthcoming

So I wanted to touch base with you guys about next weekend. I spoke with Jeff the other day and I realized I hadn't really been as informative as I could have been. So here goes..

The wedding on Saturday starts at 5:30, the only thing to worry about there is a drawbridge that's on the road. Sometimes it can raise for 20 minutes whenever a boat comes, so be prepared and come early.

But.... On Friday we are still having a party at my place. I know I have mentioned it to all of you before, but I was a little too generous when handing out spots at my place to stay. So far we have four people staying at our place and we can't really handle anymore. If we had a house and more than one bathroom, it might be different. I know I told you guys you could crash here but believe me when I say you guys aren't the only ones I've had to call and correct that with. I feel like an idiot, but oh well.

Needless to say, I would loooove for you guys to be here on Friday night. I know Mike won't read this so I'm counting on Justin to pass this along. I've already talked to him about it, but I've been told you're his transport. There will be six of you total I guess (Mike is bringing a friend in place of his ex-bitch) and I figured you could get together and work something out to everyone's benefit. That being said, I understand if any of you can't make it. Times is tight and so are vaginas. I will miss you but I'll see you on Saturday.

So discuss this and comment and let's see what can get worked out. All my very gayest love.


Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Where the awesome movies are...

So this be the trailer for that new Spike Jonze joint. I hope this movie turns out as epically dramatic as this clip. It's got an acoustic version of one of Arcade Fire's best tracks. Good stuff, what do you guys think?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Drawing Board

I love you all and I hope you always are in a state of peace.

Enjoy everything.

Thank you for being my friends.

My name has changed: I am now Jared Allen.

My Self has also changed: I am now here.

Hello all.

Monday, March 2, 2009


I am in Jackson now. If you guys want to reach me the number is 731-424-1610. I don't have a job yet and haven't been looking. I've got plenty to do at present. We got fourteen and 1/2 inches of snow. I hope to make it to your wedding Jed. Jeff, I thought if you are going I might could fly into NOLA and ride with you. I thought we could all make wedding mixes like before.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

New Car!

Here is my new car. It's a 1986 Firebird.

-new paint
-new tires
-new chrome rims and trim
-305 4 barrel carborator engine
- new radiator, water pump, alternator, hoses
- new shocks, new brakes, new throttle body
-157k miles
-Flowmaster duel exhaust

I only paid $3500 for it, and the guy I bought it put over $4500 into the car.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

We need to talk...

So in a few months the four of us will be thrust together once again for a few nights of fun and games, and I know we won't be getting that catch-up time I hope you all want as much as I do. The idea of being around you guys but not being able to converse with you about all things important to me is not cool. Justin, I really wish there had been more time for us to talk alone the last time I was in Orlando. Talking on the phone is alright, but there's nothing like a face to face emotional talk with my boys. Jeff has mentioned us all meeting up in Graceville for a weekend this summer and just talking, and I am all for that. However, I really need to let you guys know where I am right now in my life, if for no other reason than because I trust your input, and I know you care about me. So without further ado...

I don't think theism is my thing anymore. I've been done with Christianity for a while now, but I've only just recently come to the point where I feel any idea of a "creator" is foolish. When I really sit and think about theism objectively, I see an idea that somehow managed to survive the dark ages, unlike many of its counterparts. I see a money-making scheme that has been modified countless times to stay on top of society's current scenario. I see a system of beliefs that is so judgmental, that it refuses to see the pride in its own position. I see a collection of humans that are so inept, they have allowed fear and ignorance to overpower discovery and intellect.

There was a time when I would submit to the idea of religion being an "overall good," with a small minority of fanatics blemishing the system for all. But now I can truly see how not facing the truth has held humanity back past a breaking point. For too long we have seen ourselves as separate, or above, the earth. Subsequently, we have become our own center of the universe.

I flew to New York two summers ago, and for the first time, I felt at peace with dying. I realized the inevitability of life, and the potential I was throwing away at securing a place in a mythological dreamworld. There is so much more out there to see and do, and I am humbled every time I learn something new. I am happy to be a part of the system of the earth, and I cannot wait to see what happens next, but I refuse to spend the rest of my time here worrying about it.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I Love The Smell of Wrecked Cars in the Morning

 Last week my 98 Firebird got hit by a drunk driver.  It's a very long story and I will glady tell you about it in detail over the phone sometime. Just not wanting to go into the whole story on a blog. What I will say is that I was super upset, I really loved that car and I knew the other insurance company would total it out.  I was sitting at a light behind a car, and I got hit from behind, and then my car hit the back of the car in front of me. Keep in mind this was around 2 am on a Wednesday morning. Thankfully, no one was hurt but I was directed to stand across the road and wait while the Police did their protecting and serving. After an hour of standing by and chain smoking an entire pack of menthols, I finally got to go home. My car barely made it to my complex, and it was pretty much the last time I got to drive it. The damage to the rear of the car was rough. The metal frame of the car was actually smashed in! So long story short, I was looking for a new firebird. 

The insurance people call me today, and my check for the car is going to be $3500. The killer thing is: I only paid $2900 for my car! This really made my week. I've already found a new firebird I am looking at tomorrow. It's an 86 red beautiful car! It has new EVERYTHING on it.  So if all goes as planned, I should have a new car by tomorrow night.  It's funny how even when something really bad happens, it can still work out good for some people . Kinda like how George Bush was for comedians.  (I know he's gone, but I cant let the jokes die!) 

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Nothing Prettier than Burning Books

Burn After Reading sucked. It was not funny or surprising. As mentioned previously, I didn't think too highly of the Coen's last effort. Yes, they have been responsible for much enjoyable fare including my favorite The Big Lebowski and the big win of O Brother. Still I wonder, how many strikes before these guys get their licenses revoked? Think of all the people who struggle to get their projects financed and yet these guys do not seem to have that difficulty.

They have two things going for them. The first is that people keep coming back due to the brand recognition. No matter how disappointed the general public is with one of their movies, their names alone will generate enough buzz to propel the next into orbit. The second is people's appalling sense of relativity in regard to film. If they don't like it, especially in a situation like this, they likely assume it's just not their thing. Also, people fear that perhaps they didn't like it because they are dumb.

This is all good and fine, but consider this: a crappy movie is less likely to sink a career than say a crappy album. Why is that? I'm not set on black balling those who's art I disagree with (or in some cases, those whose art disagrees with me). But I think people should be held accountable for stealing my money. How are they any different than oil tycoons or any other big, flashy execs? They are not. Yet, we are the fools surrendering to their power and greed. There are enough people vying for my entertainment dollar that I can't allow two brothers with the perpetual greenlight to get off scot-free. There may not be a lot I can do about it, but I can rant and I can spend my money someplace else, slumdog.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

These Eyes...

Times are tough for many living in the USA today. Nobody denies that. I guess all of us, despite any present dilemmas we face, are living pretty well. None of us are millionaires yet (unless Justin's movie makes a ton this year), but we are living better than we did in Graceville, and certainly better than much of the populace in America.

With that said, did you all hear that Circuit City is bankrupt and closing nationwide? What does this mean for us? Following Best Buy, Circuit City is the second largest electronic retailer. I am not one who usually worries too much about the current economic crisis because it does not overtly affect me. I am a bit cynical when it comes to all things that scare and shock people, including what happens in government. When everyone started needing a bailout my ears perked up. But, now with Circuit City closing, it seems that everything is going down the toilet. If they have trouble staying in business, what will happen next? I read a little bit about their situation, and they were having issues before the recession. Yet, the fact that they are bankrupt reflects the times we are living in.

Don't get me wrong, I love buying things at low cost, and then reselling it to unknowing people on the internet. That's how I supplement my income. I guess we will benefit from Circuit City's demise because we can purchase electronics, software, movies, and music at reduced prices. That's great. We had a store close in New Orleans recently, and I made a killing. My advice: just don't blow your life savings at a store going out of business.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

my dad taught me how to play hooky

Christmas week, I only had to work Monday and Tuesday. The rest was Federal Holiday-paid time off for me. In fact, I took off Tuesday afternoon a couple hours early because my heart wasn't in it. I was just occupying space. Things had increasingly been of this nature for most of December. I've not seen much sunlight and the wintertime grays and temperature drops catch up with me quickly. Christmas was a pretty big production and with Donna's mom and grandmother being sick, Donna and I took most of the responsibility on ourselves. So, it turned out that I didn't get much rest Christmas week.

I returned to work and was still dragging tail. I got through the shift with little to show for it. The next morning I phoned in that I was not feeling well. By that evening I had concluded that I would take the following day as well. I had not been out in months. The job was getting to me. I was indeed facing adrenal exhaustion. It was hard to resist that second day out as it would give me three days in a row as the third day was New Years' Day. These days were a kind of odyssey or a play in three acts. I would be revived.

I slept a lot. I strolled around in my pajamas until the afternoon, something I hadn't done in years. I drank a lot of juice and breathed deeply. I played with the dog and talked about things with Donna. I gave a lot of serious thought and reflection to my circumstance. I determined I either have to do my job differently or I have to do a different job. It's for my health and for the wellfare of my loved ones. I cannot maintain these high levels of anxiety and stress. I've got to let go, remember the serenity prayer-all that.

I returned on Friday and it wasn't so terrible. My focus was somewhat restored, even my ambition was appropriate. Those three days were more useful than I could have planned or imagined. I thought the benefit of a day off was to not have to go, but now I see time away can give renewed energy. I don't know what's going to happen exactly. I have not yet determined if it's the job or how I do it. I won't do anything rash, you bastards, so don't worry. I just got to prioritize.

Here's to the weekend.