Friday, May 8, 2009

Sage Advice

  1. Don't collect unicorns.
  2. Don't clean your eye wear with your tongue.
  3. Don't wear face paint in a sit down restaurant.
  4. Moisturize.
  5. Don't hold it when you have to potty. It will eventually kill you.
  6. Throw out undershirts with pit stains.
  7. Spray-on tanning doesn't work.
  8. Don't change for anyone, unless your wearing a diaper.
  9. Let people help you move heavy furniture or just let them do it.
  10. Block harassing phone calls.
  11. Always have a spare.
  12. Remember: you are white.
  13. Don't get a firearm, you may be tempted to use it.
  14. Return calls.
  15. Don't stab anyone, but if you must, use a stake made of ice.
  16. Forgo the need to forgive, simply lower your expectations.
  17. Massage!! Massage!! Massage!! Anyone in need, give them a squeeze. Anytime, anywhere.
  18. Know that your life may never be as good as it is right now. It could get worse.
  19. Always stop lists at nineteen. It leaves people hungry for more.

2 comments:

Jared said...

You forgot "sleep with you mouth closed."

Lots of weird things can get lost in there.

Charles Sorensen said...

Sage Advice satisfied to have the capacity to offer assistance to a vivacious advisory group in Park Ridge Illinois that is attempting to build attention to support ability in our home suburb! One of the real activities of the advisory group this year is their Milkweed Project. The objective is to disseminate 500 milkweed plants all through the group this late spring to bolster Monarch butterflies. Council individuals gathered seeds the previous fall and this spring worked with Pizzo Native Plant Nursery who liberally offered to stratify and develop the seeds at their office in Leland, Illinois. Plants will be prepared in June for dissemination all through the group.


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